Expansion Paralysis: What Your Dreams, Ancestral Patterns & Past Lives Reveal About Fear of Success
A few nights ago, I had a dream that rattled me completely and I woke up wondering: what on earth is my subconscious trying to tell me?
It began in a Hilton Hotel, where a Thai family I know had invited me to spend Christmas with them. It was festive, warm, familial, until a huge spider appeared in the corner of the ceiling of my room. It morphed into a flying insect and started attacking me. Not exactly the cosy holiday vibes I expected.
A receptionist offered to upgrade me to a suite, and for a moment I felt grateful and super excited. Until I saw the room! 👀
It wasn’t a suite! It was a sex dungeon with a coffin-shaped wooden bed, complete with restraints and chains. It was cold, dark, and to me and my nervous system it felt violently off.
I woke up wondering if this dream was trying to tell me something about my sexuality, which, frankly, made zero sense to me. My sexuality is the one area of my life that has never been confusing or difficult.
I didn't feel like my subconscious mind was telling me that I had suppressed some kinky stuff. 😁 I always loved hearing stories of my friends and clients kinky desires, but I always felt confident with where I was at.
So why this dream? Why this imagery? Why this “upgrade” that turned into a nightmare?
I brought it into a conversation with ChatGPT, believe it or not. I told it to act as an expert in dream analysis and suddenly a much deeper narrative began to unfold: one that had nothing to do with repressed sex fantasies and everything to do with growth, visibility, expansion, and the subconscious fears that accompany them.
Expansion Paralysis: When Upleveling Feels Unsafe
I call it expansion paralysis: that strange, frustrating phenomenon where you want to grow financially, spiritually, creatively, but the moment life opens a door for you, your system freezes.
You want the upgrade but something deep in your subconscious whispers, “Not safe.”
This paralysis can come from many layers:
past-life trauma around visibility or leadership
ancestral memories of wealth carrying shame or danger
childhood associations with responsibility or collapse
nervous-system overload
fear of losing freedom or identity
fear that success will trap you instead of liberate you
For many sensitives and empaths, expansion does not initially feel like joy. It feels like a threat.
Growth requires the parts of us that survived past collapses to feel safe again. It requires us to understand where the fear is coming from and what it is actually trying to protect.
This is where my dream began to make sense. In fact it was funny to me that I didn't think about it myself and needed chatGPT to calm my mind. 😂 I have been talking about expansion paralysis for YEARS!
The Hotel Upgrade Was Never About Sex: It Was About Growth
Once I separated the imagery from the symbolism, everything clicked.
The Hilton represented my professional identity. The offer of an upgrade represented my Space Clearing business expanding, literally upgrading through my partnership with Jens (my life partner) who recently volunteered to help me develop and expand that side of my business. And with that the possibility of stepping into a more structured, visible era.
And the dungeon suite?
It represented my fear that the “upgrade” would come with:
hidden costs
loss of freedom
entrapment
emotional or financial pressure
responsibilities I’m not ready for
This symbolism connected instantly to something bigger, something ancient.
Past Life Trauma Resurfaced
A past life with Jens surfaced, one I’ve known about for years: we were dancers in St. Petersburg. In that life, I became pregnant with twins, and he didn’t support me. I lost my livelihood, my autonomy, and ultimately my will to live.
This lifetime carries echoes of that wound:
fear of being unsupported
fear of financial collapse (which is why I always was fiercely financially independent!)
fear of merging destinies
fear of repeating patterns
fear of entanglement
So of course my subconscious used a hotel upgrade—a symbol of stepping into a “bigger” life—to show me the shadow side I still associate with growth. Past life traumas can really mess with you! I knew I needed to send some additional healing to my past self.
Ancestral Traumas Resurfaced
We all carry our ancestors traumas epigenetically. Whatever their trauma with business, money, upgrading one's life: we might carry all of that too.
My ancestors on the German side lost their entire company and livelihood post war as they were in Eastern Germany and the state took it. They escaped and built up everything from scratch but lost their roots, ancestral land etc.
I am sure they were coded with "my wealth can be taken away from me at any time". I have many such ancestral traumas also on my brazilian side of the family. I knew I needed a deep healing to release more layers of this if I want to upgrade my business.
I created a new Rune Spread to find out more about my fears and get messages of what to focus on exactly. (If interested you can book below)
When I sensed how layered this fear was, I decided to pull runes for myself. But before I share the reading, here’s why this spread is so powerful:
Most people think fear of expansion is self-sabotage. It’s not. It is your body remembering something from this life, your lineage, or another lifetime and trying to protect you from repeating it.
The Sovereign Expansion Rune Spread
Position 1 — The Hidden Fear
What subconscious fear activates when I try to grow, expand, or uplevel?
Position 2 — The Ancestral Imprint
What generational or family-of-origin pattern shapes my relationship with success, money, or power?
Position 3 — The Past-Life Echo
What unresolved karmic pattern influences my fear of expansion in this lifetime?
Position 4 — The Current-Life Trigger
What situation or dynamic is activating these wounds right now?
Position 5 — The Seat of Sovereignty
What restores my agency, clarity, and self-trust in this chapter of my life?
Position 6 — The Pattern Breaker
What action, boundary, or shift breaks the old loop and rewrites the contract?
Position 7 — The Freed Self
What part of me becomes liberated when I stop repeating the old pattern?
Position 8 — The Aligned Expansion Path
What does my next level look like when it is grounded, sovereign, and safe?
Position 9 — The New Contract
What new agreement am I writing with myself, my lineage, and my future?
This spread is for anyone who feels called to grow, but keeps freezing, delaying, or feeling overwhelmed at the edge of their next level.
Book your 1h rune reading reading here.
