Breaking Free from People-Pleasing: How to Set Boundaries and Say No Without Guilt

Have you ever felt the weight of an unspoken “no” sitting heavy on your chest, only to force yourself to say “yes” instead? If you’ve struggled with people-pleasing, over-giving, or feeling drained by others’ expectations, you’re not alone. Many of us, especially healers, empaths, and those raised in emotionally complex households, learned early on that prioritising others was the price of love, safety, and belonging.

But what if I told you that setting boundaries is an act of self-love, not selfishness? That saying “no” can be a full sentence—and a powerful one at that?

In my latest podcast episode, Recovering People Pleasers Share Their Stories: When No Becomes a Full Sentence, I sit down with two incredible guests—Sharon, a Reiki Master and intuitive healer from the UK, and Hiba, a psychologist and astrologer based in Switzerland—to explore the deep roots of people-pleasing, how cultural and familial conditioning shape our boundaries, and most importantly, how to break free from guilt and reclaim our power.

If you’re ready to release old patterns and step into a life where your energy is yours to protect, keep reading—and don’t forget to grab my free guided meditation to help you integrate these insights into your daily life.

Why Do We Become People-Pleasers?

For many of us, people-pleasing didn’t start as a choice. It started as a survival mechanism.

From a young age, we learned that our needs came second (or not at all). Maybe we had a parent who was emotionally unavailable, overwhelmed, or battling their own unhealed trauma. Maybe we were raised in a household where expressing emotions wasn’t safe, or we were rewarded for being “the good child”—the one who never rocked the boat, who absorbed the family’s pain instead of adding to it.

In our podcast conversation, both Sharon and Hiba shared how family dynamics played a role in shaping their early people-pleasing tendencies:

💫 Sharon’s Story: She realized later in life that her deep-rooted need to keep the peace came from a codependent relationship with her mother, who had endured a painful loss when Sharon was just a baby. Because of this, Sharon subconsciously took on the role of caretaker, always making sure her mother was okay—even at the expense of her own needs.

💫 Hiba’s Story: Coming from a Jordanian background but raised in Switzerland, Hiba shared how cultural expectations of compliance and respect for authority shaped her early conditioning to say yes when she really meant no. She explained how many of her therapy clients struggle with the same issue—feeling guilt and fear when asserting themselves, as if having needs is something to apologize for.

💫 My Own Journey: As I shared on the podcast, my people-pleasing patterns were deeply intertwined with both my mother wound and my father wound. With my father, I constantly sought approval, trying to earn his attention. But with my mother, I did the opposite—I rebelled fiercely. This split between craving validation and rejecting authority followed me into adulthood, showing up in relationships, business, and even in spiritual spaces.

Listen to the podcast below

Spiritual Bypassing & The “Love and Light” Trap

One of the most eye-opening parts of our conversation was how people-pleasing can sneak into spiritual communities under the guise of "love and light."

There is often an unspoken pressure in spiritual spaces to forgive immediately, to avoid conflict, and to be endlessly accommodating even when it harms us. Concepts like Ho’oponopono (the Hawaiian forgiveness practice) have been misunderstood and misused, often leading people to bypass their emotions instead of honoring their anger and boundaries.

💡 True spiritual growth isn’t about making yourself smaller for the sake of peace—it’s about standing in your truth, even when it’s uncomfortable.

The Difference Between Being Nice and Being Kind

A major realization in our discussion was understanding the difference between being nice and being kind.

👉 Being nice is about being agreeable, avoiding conflict, and ensuring everyone else is comfortable—even at your own expense. It’s a survival strategy that keeps you in people-pleasing mode.

👉 Being kind, on the other hand, is about acting from a place of integrity and truth. Sometimes, kindness means setting a boundary. It means choosing honesty over approval, self-respect over self-sacrifice.

"True kindness sometimes means telling someone something they don’t want to hear. It’s about respecting yourself enough to say no when it’s necessary."

Healing & Strengthening Your Boundaries

So how do we break free from people-pleasing and set strong, unapologetic boundaries?

1. Strengthen Your Energetic Field

Many people-pleasers struggle with absorbing others' emotions and feeling drained. Learning to strengthen your auric field can help you reclaim your space.

In my free guided meditation, “From People-Pleasing to Power,” I walk you through a visualization that helps you:
✅ Release the fear of disappointing others
✅ Strengthen your energetic field so you stop absorbing negativity
✅ Learn to say NO with confidence and without guilt

🎧 Download the free meditation here → https://myhealingsanctuary.net/energeticboundaries

2. Sit with the Discomfort of Saying No

One of the hardest parts of boundary-setting is sitting with the discomfort that follows. The guilt, the fear of disappointing others, the anxiety of rejection.

💡 But here’s the truth: your job is not to manage other people’s emotions. Your job is to honor your truth.

Boundaries don’t need to be explained, justified, or apologized for. Sometimes, “No” is enough.

3. Recognize That Boundaries Make Relationships Stronger

A powerful reframe is to see boundaries not as walls, but as bridges. When you set clear boundaries, you invite people to meet you at your level of self-respect. The ones who truly care for you will adjust. Those who don’t? They were never meant to stay.

Your Invitation to Step Into Your Power

This journey isn’t about rejecting connection: it’s about embracing deeper, healthier, and more authentic relationships. And that starts with honoring yourself.

Because your energy is sacred. Your “no” is sacred. And your voice deserves to be heard.